Why You’re Playing Life on Hard Mode (and How to Fix It) (Part 2)
Carrying on from Part 1 …
As we explored earlier, doing more isn’t the key to wellbeing—it’s the emotion we associate with our actions. When we take action to “get rid of” an undesired emotion or reality, we actually reinforce that emotion. For me, it was the feeling of inadequacy. The more I acted to escape it, the more I strengthened it—until I eventually fell off in all areas of my life.
This is why it’s crucial to examine the emotions driving our actions.
Are we being “ambitious” to seek validation from others? Staying in a relationship just to avoid being alone? Chasing a promotion to satisfy societal expectations?
The emotion behind our actions determines not only whether we’ll reach our goals but also if they’ll be sustainable. If you can identify and shift the underlying emotion, you can effortlessly change behaviors—even deeply ingrained ones, like addictions.
Take my experience with inadequacy.
The key to mastering emotions is to release labels and resistance. I resisted my feelings of inadequacy by masking them with fitness. I saw them as something I “shouldn’t” feel. But judging and suppressing emotions only creates suffering.
Instead, we must allow emotions to fully surface and play out. Only then can we detach from them and move forward.
The Layers of Identity: Why Change Feels Hard
This goes even deeper. The emotions we feel come from the beliefs and thought patterns we hold about ourselves.
At some point in our lives, an event or circumstance triggered a thought. That thought gained momentum, growing into a deeply ingrained belief. Over time, those beliefs became part of our identity—and our identity shapes our entire reality.
You might recognize this in statements like:
"That’s just who I am."
"That’s just the way it is."
"That’s not really for me."
"That’s too much for me."
Once something becomes part of your identity, it dictates your reality. The life you have now is a direct reflection of your identity. To make real, lasting change, your identity—not just your actions—must shift.
The Framework for Lasting Change
Identity – The foundation. Who you believe you are at your core. (E.g., “I am disciplined” vs. “I always struggle to stay consistent.”)
Beliefs/Thought Patterns – The lens through which you see the world. These dictate how you interpret situations and your potential.
Emotions – The energy that fuels your actions. Emotions reinforce beliefs and determine whether you act out of abundance or lack.
Actions/Behaviors – The outward expression of everything above. The quality and consistency of your actions stem from your emotional and mental state.
When you shift your identity and beliefs, your emotions and actions follow effortlessly. Change becomes sustainable—not a constant uphill battle.
