Why You’re Playing Life on Hard Mode (and How to Fix It) (Part 1)
What if you’ve been taught about success and wellbeing backwards? I don’t say this to dismiss your beliefs but to invite you to slow down, reflect, and experiment with this idea in your daily life.
People take part in programs, courses, meditation retreats and workshops, all in pursuit of a better job, more money, healthier relationships, better sex, a soul mate, better health, overcoming limiting beliefs or enlightenment. But beneath every goal is a deeper desire—to feel different.
In all cases, they want those things because they hope it will make them feel different. Quite frankly, everything we do in life is to feel a certain emotion. We just want to feel emotions of happiness, joy, pride, certainty, security, safety etc…
We don’t truly seek the things themselves. We seek the emotions we believe they’ll bring.
A promotion brings pride because it allows us to provide more for our family.
A dream home provides security, especially if we grew up lacking stability.
A fulfilling healthy relationship makes us feel loved and seen.
The real goal has always been the feeling, not the thing.
Yet, have you noticed that the more desperate someone is for something, the less likely they are to get it? Meanwhile, those who approach things with curiosity and detachment seem to attract success effortlessly.
Desiring something is not what’s at fault. It’s the emotion that sparks us to chase something that determines wellbeing.
Let me explain using my own personal experience..
After finishing my Bachelor's in Chemical Engineering in 2020, I fell into a deep sense of confusion and depression. I felt lost—personally, professionally, and in my sense of purpose. My solution? Get in the best shape of my life.
For a year, my life revolved around boxing, lifting weights, and running. I woke up at 5 AM for cardio, boxed in the afternoon, and lifted in the evening—six days a week. And after a while I started my 9-5, and still trained 6 days a week. Physically, I was at my peak. Even my personal life seemed to improve. Here’s a picture of me at my peak:
Then, I slowly started to fall off. No dramatic event caused it, but I told myself I wanted to lose all my progress just to prove I could regain it—an excuse I later realized masked the real issue. I wasn’t happy. My physique declined, and so did my personal life.
Looking back, my self-talk was harsh. I pushed myself with phrases like:
"Don’t be a bitch—wake up and train."
"You’re not good enough—work harder."
"I ain’t no bitch—I keep going."
This mindset got me in shape, but it wasn’t sustainable. Why? Because my motivation was rooted in inadequacy. Every action I took came from a place of feeling not enough, and no matter how much I achieved, it was never enough.
This is the trap many people fall into—trying to improve their lives while still seeing themselves as broken. Change that comes from self-rejection will always be temporary. Real, lasting transformation happens when you build from a place of wholeness, not lack.
Lack breeds more lack.
This applies to health, relationships, profession etc..
If you believe your happiness depends on external circumstances, you make yourself a slave to them. You say, "when i have… money, this knowledge, this physique, this job, this partner, this statement by these people, this vacation, then i will feel better".
A mirror (life) will not smile before you smile.
Expecting circumstances to change before you do is a losing game. As long as you avoid self-awareness and responsibility, fulfillment will always be temporary, slipping through your fingers the moment a craving is met.
You’ll always be chasing, never arriving. No fulfillment.
The world only reflects what you give to yourself.
It’s not about having more—it’s about being more.
So now the question is—how do I ‘be’ more? How do I use the emotions that I want to feel to attract the life that I desire and sustain it?
That’s what part 2 is about…
