The Success Trap: Why Some Winners Still Feel Like Losers
We’re constantly measuring ourselves to others. It’s natural.
In early human tribes, social status determined access to resources, mates, and protection. Comparing ourselves to others helped us gauge where we stood in the group and whether we needed to improve our skills, strength, or alliances to survive.
In modern society, these instincts haven’t disappeared—they've just adapted to new environments. Instead of comparing hunting skills, we compare salaries, social media followers, looks, or lifestyle. The problem is, our environment has changed much faster than our biology, making comparison more harmful than helpful in many cases.
The way we define success—and more importantly, where we place our values—determines whether we feel fulfilled or miserable, no matter what we achieve.
Two musicians, two different bands, two different outcomes. One built an empire and still felt like he lost. The other lost everything, yet found peace.
Their stories will make you question what really matters. Let’s look at each one individually.
STORY 1
David Mustaine was originally Metallica’s lead guitarist in the early days of the band, but in 1983 was kicked out just before they were about to record their first album after being signed to a new record label. Without warning, without discussion, they put him on a bus back to L.A.
On his journey back, Mustaine was lost, confused, guessing and did not know what to do next.
Instead of giving up, Mustaine went on to form Megadeth, which became one of the biggest metal bands of all time. They’ve sold over 50 million albums, influenced generations of musicians, and became one of the "Big Four" of thrash metal alongside Metallica, Slayer, and Anthrax. By any objective measure, he was wildly successful.
But in interviews, Mustaine has admitted that he still sees himself as a failure—because he wasn’t as big as Metallica. Metallica went on to become the biggest metal band in history, selling over 125 million albums. So despite everything Mustaine achieved, he still felt like he lost.
STORY 2
Pete Best was the original drummer for The Beatles. He was with them from 1960 to 1962, playing in their early gigs and even during their first recording sessions. But right before they blew up, the band fired him and replaced him with Ringo Starr. The official reason was that his drumming wasn’t good enough, but there were also rumors that the other members just didn’t vibe with him socially.
Imagine that—you’re in a small, struggling band, you put in the work, and then, right before they become the biggest band in history, you get kicked out. Most people would assume that he spent the rest of his life bitter and depressed. And for a while, he did struggle. He went through a period of deep depression and even attempted suicide at one point.
But later in life, he actually found peace with it. He got married, had a family, and built a stable life outside of music. Eventually, he even started performing again, playing with The Pete Best Band. He’s mentioned in interviews that he’s happy with how his life turned out—because while he didn’t get The Beatles’ fame and fortune, he also didn’t have to deal with the insane pressure, scrutiny, and chaos that came with it.
MORAL OF THE STORIES
Both Mustaine and Best were rejected. Both had their dreams taken away at the last moment. But the way they measured their success determined the course of their lives.
Mustaine anchored his sense of worth to being better than Metallica. He wasn’t competing with himself—he was competing with them. No matter how successful Megadeth became, he was still comparing himself to a band that went on to be the biggest in history. And by that measure, he would always fall short.
Best, on the other hand, eventually let go of the comparison. Instead of measuring his success by how big of a band he was in, he measured it by something else—his happiness, his family, his peace of mind. He realized that the fame and fortune The Beatles had came at a price he never had to pay. And because of that shift in perspective, he was able to find contentment.
CHOOSING YOUR METRIC FOR SUCCESS
The lesson here is simple: what you use to measure your success will determine how you feel about your life, no matter how much you achieve.
If you measure success by external validation—money, status, followers, being "better" than someone else—you’ll always find a reason to feel like you’re not enough. There will always be someone richer, more famous, or more accomplished than you.
But if you measure success by something internal—growth, fulfillment, peace, mastery, contribution—you’ll always be in control of your own happiness.
This is why some people who have everything still feel empty, while others who have far less feel deeply satisfied with their lives.
SO, ASK YOURSELF:
What are you using to measure your success?
Are you chasing something because it truly matters to you, or because you’re trying to prove something to others?
If you could no longer compare yourself to anyone else, what would success look like to you?
The way you answer these questions will determine whether you spend your life feeling fulfilled—or always feeling like you lost, no matter how much you win.
