PROBLEMS MAKE YOU HAPPY
If you can grasp this concept I'm about to explain, you will finally understand what it means to be happy.
Happiness comes from solving problems. Let’s call it “suffering” as the Buddah said it.
Let me explain…BUT before I explain, you must let go of your understanding of what happiness means to you. Or what you perceive happiness to be. This is because the current premise of what happiness is, keeps you in a hamster wheel.
We live in a world that constantly dangles happiness in front of us like a carrot on a stick. From social media to self-improvement culture to TV commercials, we’re bombarded with messages that tell us happiness is always just one milestone away.
“If I achieve X, then I will be happy.”
“By the age of 25, I want X—then I’ll be happy.”
“If I look like X, then I will be happy.”
“If I can be with a person like X, then I will be happy.”
It’s a never-ending cycle. Every time we hit a goal, another one appears on the horizon, making happiness feel like a moving target. We see people on Instagram living their “best lives”—traveling, buying houses, building businesses, getting engaged—so we start measuring our own happiness against an idealized version of success. And when our reality doesn’t match up, we feel behind. We feel like we’re failing.
But here’s the truth: Struggle—or suffering, as the Buddha would say—is biologically useful. It’s nature’s agent for inspiring change. We’ve evolved to always live with a certain degree of dissatisfaction and insecurity. This dissatisfaction and insecurity pushed us to innovate and survive. We are wired to become dissatisfied with whatever we have and satisfied by what we do not have. This constant state kept humans evolving, fighting, striving, and building.
So essentially, our pain, suffering, and dissatisfaction aren’t flaws in the system—they’re features. And if we learn to use them correctly, they can drive us toward real fulfillment.
If you want to be happy, stop trying to be happy.
Don’t focus on happiness, focus on your problems.
The more you try to be happy, the more you’re enforcing the fact that you’re not happy. A confident person does not need to look in the mirror and tell themselves that they’re confident. Nobody who is actually happy has to stand in front of a mirror and tell themselves that they’re happy. It just reinforces the fact that you’re not.
Now, what do I mean by focus on your problems?
Choose your struggle
The person you marry is the person you fight with for the rest of your life
The house you buy is the house you end up fixing
The dream job you have in the job you end up stressing over.
Everything that you want in life comes with a “sacrifiice” - whatever makes us feel good will also inevitably make us feel bad. Problems are inevitable and unavoidable.
If i ask you, “What do you want out of life?” and you respond with “ I want to be happy, have a great family with a career I like”, I’m sorry but that doesn’t really mean anything.
Everybody enjoys what feels good. Live that happy, easy and carefree life, fall in love, have amazing relationships, look perfect, make money, be respected, be admired and enjoy a gin and tonic poolside. Everybody wants that. It’s easy to want that.
The question most people don’t consider is, “what pain do i want in my life? What am I willing to struggle for?”
These questions will determine how our lives will turn out.
You want a great relationship but are you willing to go through the tough conversations, the awkward silences, the hurt feelings, and vulnerability to get there?
You want to start that business but are you willing to endure the inevitable rejections, the uncertainty, the possibility of looking foolish in front of people or the disapproval of your family and friends?
Because happiness requires struggle. Fooling yourself by thinking that happiness is the end product only gives you misery.
What are you willing to struggle for?
Is the promotion you want something you’re willing to struggle for or just another milestone disguised as happiness?
Are you willing to struggle through the tough conversation in your current relationship or are you just in it because you don't want to be single?
The solution to one problem is merely the creation of the next one. So find problems you love solving.
This is how you fuck things up
Avoidance: A lot of people avoid their problems or deny that they exists in the first place. This avoidance/denial of their reality causes them to constantly distract themselves from reality by using “achievements” or “milestones” or “toxic relationships” or “toxic habits”. This only leads to insecurity, inadequacy and self destruction.
Victim mindset: Seeking to blame others or external circumstances for their problems even though they in fact could do something about it. “My parents wanted me to go down this career path”, “I can’t lose weight because my family keeps buying junk food”, “I can’t get ahead because the system is rigged against me”. This makes them feel better in the short term but leads to anger, helplessness and unfulfillment.
Most avoid and blame others for their problems because it’s easy and feels good whilst solving problems is hard and often feels like work.
Avoidance and blame give us a quick high. Makes us feel better temporarily to escape our problems. There are many forms of avoidance and blame like alcohol, the feeling of feeling right through blame, procrastination, constantly planning instead of taking action, perfectionism, avoiding difficult conversations, people pleasing and self sabotage.
Cheat code to happiness
What am I willing to struggle for?
Relationships
Profession
Health
…
Am I avoiding/denying anything in any areas of my life?
Am I blaming external factors in any areas of my life? Am I taking full ownership of my life?
